Almost two months ago, we announced a contest wherein we called for you to submit your best concept for a new in-game beverage, with the prizes to be given away being two Tankards Of Terror from Taverncraft.  Your response to it was overwhelming.

And we dropped the ball.

But we did judge them!  We got a couple of friends to help us, and we chose winners.  In doing so, we realized just how thankful we are to have an audience of such talented and fun-loving folk. Here the two winners:

Maxz, who proposed Blackrock Dopplebock:

“As the caverns of Blackrock Mountain began to tremble and quake the Dwarves continued to delve greedily and deep, uncovering the secrets of this dark brew. Like the monks of old, they hoped this liquid sustenance would sustain them through the upheaval to come. In the tradition of the Dopplebock, this dark beer is rich and malty with obsidian undertones. The bitterness of the hops is heightened by notes of brimstone, but remains submerged beneath the depth of the sweet, hearty body. As expected of a bock and a Dwarven brew, the alcohol heavy finish explodes from deep within like an ancient beast.”

Our other winner is Zurriel, with this Official press release from the offices of Vyral the Vile:

“This year’s Brewfest brings many new offerings, and we would be low to dissuade any discerning imbiber from trying them. In fact, we encourage it! Brewfest is a time-honored tradition, where every batch can share the spotlight. At the end of the day, we know you’ll return to your old standby. A brew as time-honored as the festival itself (well…maybe even a little more so). A beer that isn’t made from rusty hops and that doesn’t exploit captured Hydraxians—we have a purer source. Much purer. The beer that was with you through tough times and worse times. Twilight’s Hammer’d premium dark lager. Strong, slowly-roasted malty flavors that ultimately culminate in uncompromising victory. Your heart will explode. A refined taste smooth enough for an elf, yet strong enough for an ogre. Your friends will abandon you. A name backed up by centuries of unwavering resolve. You are already drunk. So enjoy this year’s festival! But when the stench of wet dog fades and you pine for an old friend, we know who you’ll turn to. Because everyone will. Eventually.”

Bravo! More after the break. Here are some honorable mentions -

Zett, who invented Zalazane’s Ice Malt Ambrosia:

The party heats up when you roll in with a case of Zalazane’s Ice Malt Ambrosia! It’s light, it’s crisp, it’s heavily sweetened! Zalazane’s is a potent mix of malted liquor and Kungaloosh, turning an otherwise undrinkable industrial solvent into an easily consumed and amazingly powerful good-time fun-drink! The ladies love Zalazane’s for it’s sweet citrus tang and surprising drinkability. They also love its low calorie count, cute pink dimpled bottles, easy to grip shape and adorable Kitten-penguin mascot!

Men love it for the tang.

So bring Zalazane’s to your next beach blow-out in the Lost Isles, and while the Orcs and Tauren are doing keg stands and beer bongs, you’ll be chillaxing with the Belfettes enjoying Zalazane’s chemically enhanced inhibition reducing properties.

ZALAZANE’S Ice Malt Ambrosia! It’ll get her smashed!

Xenos, for blatantly pandering to us with his Rottscandy’s Brandy.

Kristalleen, for blatantly pandering to us with Scotch Ohnson.

Geekgumbo, who entered a drink description that was so long, we needed a double-shot to get through it:

The Un’Goro Face Crater: Not for the weak of liver, this “Tasty” treat is a favorite of the Trolls. Bear in mind their liver regenerates, and their tastebuds have a bit of a suspect reputation to all other sentient  beings before attempting. Quoting from Azeroth’s “Bartender’s Bible” – “There is much support of the idea that gathering the ingredients for the Un’Goro Face Crater is more dangerous than actually drinking the drink itself, but this idea is in the minority after the late lamented Dwarven paladin Oiliver Rheed exploded after drinking 3 in a row and then attempted to blow out his birthday cake. ” The Drink is a combonation of several potent and exotic herbs mostly found only in Un’Goro Crater (Fungal Rock and the Lakkari Tar Pits have most of the ingredients), and can easily be found by any skilled (and stealthy) Herbalist. After a mash of seeds, grains and crystals are gathered, they must be soaked in a mageweave bag for 12 days and nights in the Golakka Hot Springs. During this time it would be advisable to start crafting a leather ball. After the requisite time passes, the highly fragrent mash should be taken out of the hot springs and the mash is to be stuffed into the leather ball. Feel free to kick the ball around with the local folk who live in Marshall’s Refuge, as those poor folk get little entertainment as it is. Once the ball is softened up, you may will smell a faint, sweet smell wafting from the ball. The mash is now ready for the most… err.. exotic part of the distillation process- the famous “Devil’s Run”. NOTE: This next phase is the most dangerous part of the creation, so please take heed. Wear proper protective gear, and make sure none of your fellow brewers are faster or sneakier than you. Find a Devilsaur. The bigger the better, and much pride is taken in finding the cruelest, hungriest, and nastiest Devilsaur possible. After finding the animal, get him to attack and throw the ball into the gaping maw. As Devilsaurs will eat everything, it will swallow the ball whole. Then run for your life. Then run some more. Keep running. After 46 1/2 Hours (this exact time was discovered by Thredmore Browntrouser, an unfortunate yet tough Gnome who actually survived the Devil’s Run) the Devilsaur will…ahem…no longer have possession of the Ball, and it can be retreived. Preferably with a long stick with a hooky thing at the end, altho certain Trolls who shall remain nameless have created a rather inexplicable game involving a target, the Devilsaur in question, and certain powerful laxatives. After the ball is retreived it is rarely still in the shape of a ball, and must be detoxified. Although certain Priest or Shamen Spells should do this they inevitably fail, as the Forces That Be wish to remain uninvolved in this toxic and silly mess. The only way to purify it is to dunk the whole mess into topmost fissure in Fire Plume ridge for a few hours, then get to Northrend to cool it near Icecrown Citadel. After it stops steaming, smelling and wailing (About 3 days) it is ready to be consumed. It is rumored that it was an epic drunken party in ICC that is the real reason the Lich King is so cranky, as the partiers refused to turn down the Louis Prima, and Arthas was very pointedly NOT invited. A lasting logistical problem has been how to drink such a toxic brew- a problem solved by the cunning artificers who developed the “Tankard of Terror”, one of the few epic items that can hold so angry a drink. I myself have a small batch of UGFC wailing away in my freezer now. If only I had a Tankard O’ Terror, I could enjoy this mythic beverage. After I finish writing out my will…

And finally, we had to ask what was this guy thinking? when we came across Megaduce’s Drop-a-Duce ale: “The ale you drink, when you can’t make a stink.”

Our winners have been contacted so that Taverncraft can ship their prizes directly to them.  Once again, thank you all SO MUCH for participating, and for listening to The Instance.  It is clear that the entrants had a lot of fun with this one, and we had a blast taking them all in.  We shouldn’t have let the fun go so long, but that’s what happens when you get to drinking.